Can a Selfish Character Still Be Sympathetic? Here's How.

What if your character’s behavior seems selfish… but they’re actually in pain?
Writers often struggle to make characters dealing with depression, anxiety, or trauma feel relatable instead of off-putting. You want readers to connect with them—not judge them.

In this episode, Zena tackles how to portray characters struggling with mental health challenges in a way that feels true, empathetic, and dramatically compelling. You’ll learn how to let your character’s humanity shine—even when they’re making mistakes.

If you’ve ever worried your “flawed” character will lose the audience’s sympathy, this one’s for you.

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This question came straight from Zena’s monthly office hours, which are open to anyone who’s ever purchased one of her classes. Want access like this? Check out her courses and join the mission. Learn more at The Storyteller’s Mission.


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Transcript

[00:00:00] If you have a question, feel free to jump in. Yeah, I think I have a question then. How do you, so where's the character? One of the character main characters in the story still seems a little selfish, but I kind of want it to have like a relationship where one of the characters is like the kid is like in the adult and she's not supposed to be, and the her caretaker is.

[00:00:19] I guess in a place of like depression, anxiety, and I don't know if I'm deciding if this character has agoraphobia or something, but basically the character that's supposed to be like the girl's guardian has fallen into this place of depression and anxiety, and I'm trying to figure out how to portray that without that character coming across as selfish.

[00:00:38] Well, this is a two part answer. Hello and welcome to the Storytellers Mission with Zena Del Love. A podcast for artists and storytellers about changing the world for the better through story. The first part is you don't have to, and what I mean by that is a lot of times when we are depressed. And struggling with anxiety.

[00:01:00] We are more selfish because we're seeing things through this limited narrow thing, and it does, it's always kind of about us. It's very hard when we're really struggling with depression to be other centered, and in some ways that's just. The truth of humanity, you know? So I don't know that, but I understand you don't want to make her evil selfish, so what you're trying to do is make her sympathetic, it sounds like, where we understand where she's coming from.

[00:01:28] And so I would just say, you just tell the truth and let her not. See it. That's the thing. A lot of times, a lot of times people who are in bad mental health place or whatever, they don't realize they're being selfish. They're just so consumed by whatever is ailing them that they just can't see it. But part of what is the beauty of growth is that at some point they'll realize it.

[00:01:52] And be able to go, oh my gosh, I've just been so focused on myself. I've been neglecting, you know, such and such. And then they can be repentant, which actually sometimes that makes a person more sympathetic that they've made a mistake. But then they come later and they admit it and they rectify it. They own it, and they apologize.

[00:02:10] So I'm not sure that you need to make it so that she's not selfish. She might be selfish. You just make it so that the selfishness isn't coming from a malicious place or from a controlling place, but rather from a overwhelmed place where it's somebody who has such a limited capacity. For life. And so it is selfish, but it's an understandable subject.

[00:02:37] I think most of us get that to a certain degree. Does that make sense? Does that help? Does it free you up? Okay, good. Yeah, I think that helps. That seems to answer it. Yeah, I think that's good. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you for listening to the Storyteller's Mission with Xena Del Lo. May you go forth inspired.

[00:02:56] To change the world for the better Your story.